Don't let Darrell Issa's verbal ineptitude or crime-ridden past fool you: The last person Obama wants investigating him is the cunning California congressman who is the incoming chairman of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee. When Issa called Obama "one of the most corrupt presidents in modern times" he was speaking from experience and with authority. Issa's background in auto theft and the auto alarm business, makes him a dangerous double threat, a cop AND robber, whose crime-dar enables him to sniff out corruption in ways the more law-abiding among us can't even imagine. I don't mean to knock Issa's fellow Republicans, many of whom have their own impressive criminal record: grand larceny (stealing money from the poor/working class/ middle class and giving it to the rich); rape (of the planet); attempted murder (repealing healthcare); I could go on but I don't have all day, and neither, dear readers, do you. But Issa's thuggery is unique because it precedes his taking office and isn't legitimized through technically legal policy. Here are the 10 reasons Issa should have Obama quaking in his boots.
Issa knows crime from the inside: Issa was accused of stealing a car in 1971 and indicted for stealing another one in 1972. (In all fairness, Issa's airtight alibi is his statement "I don't steal" and his claim that his brother did it.)
Issa is an expert at going after crimes that don't exist:With two car thefts under his belt, Issa was prosecuted in 1980 for auto-auto theft-- faking the theft of his own Mercedes and selling it to a car dealer.Just as Issa claimed that his car was robbed, even though it wasn't, he now claimsthat Obama's administration is one of the most corrupt administrations even thought it isn't.
Issa packs heat:Issa was arrested twice on illegal weapons charges and was convicted of a gun possession misdemeanor in the 1970s. (Cops pulled him over after he drove the wrong way down a one-way street and found a .25-caliber semiautomatic pistol with seven bullets in its ammunition clip, as well as 44 bullets and a tear-gas gun.) In the 1980's, Issa took over a security company whose manager he fired with the aid of a gun. Issa claims "Shots were never fired. . . . I don't recall [having a gun]. I really don't. I don't think I ever pulled a gun on anyone in my life." Here, Issa seems to pose the age-old philosophical question, if a gun is brandished and no shots are fired, is there really a gun? And in all fairness, who can keep track of whether or not they've pulled a gun on anyone in their life. I, personally, don't think I ever pulled a gun on anyone in my life, but you can never be sure, am I right, people? Anyway, you can't call Issa a hypocrite because heopposes gun control.
Issa will burn Obama-- literally:Like the well rounded criminal so many aspire to be, the multifaceted Issa is proficient with cars, firearms and fire. Eight months after Issa took over the security company, a fire broke out, which state authorities deemed"suspicious in nature," and which arson investigators determined was "not an accidental fire." Issa had, coincidentally, I'm sure, just quadrupled the building insurance from about $100,000 to $460,000 and had taken a key computer from the building a few days before the accident. Also, flammable liquid seemed to have been poured on the only area without sprinklers.
Issa's voice will stop a criminal in its tracks:Inspired by the auto-theft Issa modestly attributed to his brother, Issa became passionate about car alarms, invented the viper car alarm in which his recorded voice warns fellow car thieves to "step away from the car." It must be Issa's familiarity with auto theft that makes him so able to talk to car thieves. Now Issa is using his voice to tell Obama to "step away from the White House."
Issa puts his money where his mouth is. And he's a millionaire so that's a lot of money:The richest member of the house, with a net worth of $300 million, Issa spent $1.7 million of his own money to bankroll the successful recall California Governor Gray Davis. In the bipartisan spirit exemplified by Mitch McConnel, Issa vowed to make the time Gray "has left in office the most miserable that I can." After it became clear that Arnold Schwarzenneger was the party favorite andssa "tearfully"stepped aside.
Issa means Business. Big business: Issa is committed to giving voice to the voiceless and defending the interests of big business. Asking for feedback on which regulations to go after as incoming chairman of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee, Issa wroteto 150 trade associations, companies and think tanks including Duke Energy, the Association of American Railroads, FMC Corp., Toyota and Bayer, the American Petroleum Institute, National Association of Manufacturers (NAM), the National Petrochemical & Refiners Association (NPRA) and health care and telecommunication companies, which are some of Issa'sbiggest backers! (see the letter here.)
Issa's not afraid to tell it like it is: He's compelled to probe until he finds the truth as he demonstrated in 2008: "I have to ask ... why the firefighters who went there and everybody in the city of New York needs to come to the federal government for the dollars versus this being primarily a state consideration." Issa can't see the big deal in 9/11, which the putative arson sees as just another "fire,%u201D %u201Can aircraft... that had no dirty bomb in it, it had no chemical munitions in it."
Issa's Twitter Avatar Screams Law & Order:To quote Salt N' Peppa, If Twitter Avatar "could kill [it] would be an uzi... A shot gun,bang!What'supwith that thang?" Really, what's up with that@darrellissaavatar? It's Issa, of course, policing Washington DC and cracking down on what he calls "one of the most corrupt administrations." And don't be fooled by the crossed arms. Far from symbolizing resignation and paralysis, this gesture communicates Issa's acceptance of his duties. His stick figure seems to undermine his authority and the seriousness with which he oversees Obama. This formal choice, however, allows Issa to mock the government workers, such as police, who constitute the welfare state that makes Obama so "corrupting." Thusly does Issa communicate his nuanced ambivalence and conflicting allegiances.
Issa's Twitter background says Law & Order and Naked and Lanky:Issa wants to make sure you're getting the message, so, in case you miss the subliminal one in his twitter avatar, his twitter background image-- in which we see a naked, equally cross-armed figure wearing a police officer hat%u2014says it clearly. This figure looks askance, suggesting Issa's omniscience and omnipresence. The long legs represent the agility and the lengths to which Issa will go in pursuit of the most corrupt president ever. And the nakedness represents how natural authority feels to Issa.
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