On the phone, David and Charles Koch agree they needed the damage control ‘A-Team’ to handle the emerging history of Herman Cain as a ‘strong-arm’ rapist who abuses his positions of power to coerce sex from women in need of career assistance

David: We have to move fast, let’s get on it, pull together an ‘A-Team’ counter-attack

Charles: Our people are already on it. The ‘A-Team’ is the best in the business, the five million upfront was chickenfeed .. Newt is en route, just had to find a married woman willing to ‘swing’ on the Gulf Stream, he’ll be picking up Ralph Reed for a ‘threesome’

David: And Rove?

Charles: Rove will be posing as a male nurse ‘supervising’ Limbaugh, we’ve laid in a supply of French Ticklers and Preparation H, should be no problem, we’ve been promised a top end product for a nationally broadcast statement by Herman on this evening news, we can get together and catch it on TV over dinner

David: Excellent..

The ‘A-Team’ meets in emergency session

Gingrich: Where’s Snerdley, I mean, Limbaugh?

Rove: Passed out in the jet on the tarmac, his rectum was bleeding and he found OxyContin in the plane’s emergency medical kit .. We can’t wait for him, we have to hammer a Cain statement in the ass .. let’s pull this hit together, time to get with it! Ralph, what have you got?

Reed: My people have put together some positive scriptural basis for Cain’s behavior, on account of the possible sheer numbers of women could be stepping forward, this should cover Cain being a minister and gospel singer..

Rove: Newt?

Gingrich: Clarence Thomas faxed some stuff on communicating with rap terminology, he says not to be afraid of using ‘nigger’ AT ALL, in the case of a Nigger statement to a Nigger audience, it could shore up Cain’s image in the inner city, he recommends consulting Eminem

Rove: We’ll create a statement that is a rip-off of Jesse Jackson’s style put to rap, quick, get Eminem on the phone. We’ll put together something a broad spectrum of inner city niggers would buy .. that’s what Cain has to reach for in this election cycle

Herman Cain makes his televised statement

Ladies and Gentlemen, good evening and welcome..

Concerning the liberal media hysteria about ‘sexual harassment’, well, what shall a man of the cloth such as myself say .. other than the truth:

I am the Koch-suckers brother by another mother-fucker

And tonight I assure you my numerous strong-arm affairs, both accomplished and attempted, with mostly White women, is because:

Scripturalitee is full of notariatee for boneriotee..

..and you see, a ‘liberal’ nigger fucking around, that is Onan’s undesirable ‘infidelitee’

But my own fucking around is comparable to Hosea’s wife and Biblically commendable ‘promiscu-alitee’

Thank you and AMEN! No, no questions, that’s all folks!!

The Koch Brothers watching

David: A nigger like this nigger will kill ‘brothers’ for us .. that’s scriptural

Charles: The trick is, Cain, like Rice & Thomas, don’t realize they’re all ‘our niggers’ ..  man they’re fucking dumb, but should he really be ‘boning’ White women?

David: Our ‘boy’ has earned his taste for ‘caine’ sugar, he loves fucking (up) White women, he’d learned his lesson with nigger women, like Clarence Thomas

Fly on wall: Because Black women, like Anita Hill, don’t put up with this shit

Charles: Did you say something?

David: I was about to say, what if this pig don’t fly?

Charles: We’ll make do with four more years of the same, don’t forget WE STILL OWN the ‘uppity nigger’

David Koch: Right..

The ‘A-Team’ watching

Rove: I wish that was my nigger!

Gingrich: Man, that’s a good nigger

Reed: A real, proper nigger

Limbaugh: What’s happening? Did I miss something??

**

“There’s an old saying, In the days of slavery, there were those slaves who lived on the plantation and there were those slaves that lived in the house. You got the privilege of living in the house if you served the master … exactly the way the master intended to have you serve him.

“It is my personal feeling that plantations exist all over America. If you walk into South Central Los Angeles, into Watts, or you walk into Over-the-Rhine in Cincinnati, you’ll find people who live lives that are as degrading as anything that slavery had ever produced. They live in economic oppression, they live in a disenfranchised way. In the hearts and minds of those people, and millions of others, you’re always looking for hope, and whenever somebody within our tribe, within our group, emerges that has the position of authority and power to make a difference in the way business is done, our expectations run high. Many times, those expectations are not fulfilled. But when such an individual is in the service of those who not only perpetuate the oppression, but sometimes design the way in which it is applied, it then becomes very, very, very, very critical that we raise our voices and be heard” -Harry Belafonte

Gender is certainly considered a complex and interesting thing. Yet were something ever so simple? By comparison, juxtaposed to western languages, American Indian language is gender rich .. inclusive of many degrees of androgyny..

The notoriously evil Michael ‘Dr Egghead‘ Hayden has called for a cyber-version of Blackwater .. which would result in homophobic neo-con hyper-extremist virtual reality mercenaries loosed with hacking tools in the name of ‘national security’ .. we live in a science fiction horror movie to a greater extent everyday, when fantasy is merging with reality on the Planet of the Killer-Homosexual Frogs

.. On the other hand, male hierarchal order (e.g. western language and culture) with few and simple gender expression, has a high degree of repressed homosexuality rooted in artificial masculine narcissism and denial (monotheism/ego) .. perpetrating a fear-based suppression of precisely one half of innate human intelligence, that is, feminine intelligence. It’s as simple as a fable blaming all of our world’s ills on a woman, apple and snake..

America’s homophobic (repressed homosexual) religious right worships a fantasy figure bearing no resemblance to the Jesus of history .. in fact their’s could be called ‘Himmler’s Jesus‘ .. a sort of  Nazi deity with a relationship to the tea party similar to Hitler’s relationship to Albert Speer .. on the Planet of the Killer-Homosexual Frogs

.. And when I say this, I am not speaking of the ‘symptom’ of repressed women in western civilization based cultures, but of the reality of the supressed feminine intelligence in western culture’s largely male mentality, where most men likely never gave two seconds thought to the fact all of us have a ‘pair’ of brains, one masculine and one feminine, that is our left and right hemispheres..

‎“The Jesus loves nukes speech” .. just the simple fact of neo-con “chaplains” teaching the ethics of launching nuclear weapons for the United States Air Force should loosen the bowels of about everyone on the Planet (of the Killer-Homosexual Frogs)

.. And what of the women attracted to these violent religious right repressed homosexual males, inclusive of women truly worthy of wearing ‘pant suits’ like Michelle Bachmann & Sarah Palin? Terrified they might ‘discover’ they are gay, were the western male mentality (includes ‘Bull Dykes’ Bachmann & Palin) to admit sincere feminine qualities (we all have them, it is hard-wired into how are our brains are built) in defiance of the western culture’s monotheist model’s narcissist masculinity, rather than a healthy mental androgyny (a truly heterosexual psychology) where people are allowed to express natural proclivities, instead you have an angry repressed homosexual civilization that could be called:

‘planet of the killer-homosexual frogs’

From the ‘Essay on Native American Humor’ by Ronald West

The Great White Mothers: Bachmann/Palin 2012

Going to accountability in Native humor, I have a cross-cultural observation: morality masks a plethora of behaviors ethics cannot. Native American humor was all about ethics, that is no matter how harsh a truth, it must be out in the open at the least as a metaphor, the purpose in Native humor is all about keeping things honest.

The humor in western culture, on the other hand, often cannot honestly observe without crossing morality. So humor does not much serve to keep western culture honest, because too many people are afraid to go there. The thing with this is, if people were not afraid to go there with honest observations, things could never degenerate to where we are now.

Now, with Obama morphed into a fascist warmonger who will pick up the political tab for having inherited and pursued Bush policies, Diebold computer fraud could elect Michelle Bachmann and/or Sarah Palin next president of the United States and the result would nearly appear credible.

So, I will write about an Indian, a culturally intact Indian. Imagine the insanity of a tribal mentality taught to observe and honestly remark on the world around them suddenly cast adrift into the ego shielding ‘Honky’ sea of political correctness. Now, this native mentality is only certifiably insane because of context, or better said, an out of context circumstance. Because in the native world from which he had sprung, politically correct is actually a buzz word for the circling buzzards of Indian humor, any Native who hears the words ‘politically correct’ is apt to drop everything and listen in to the most recent wisdom and insight (always in the format of the often untranslatable to the Whiteman ‘Indian Humor’) ripping the people who trashed 200 years of treaties and moved on pretending as though nothing had happened.

This endeavor goes to shatter stereotype of the ‘taciturn’ Indian which is actually a reflection of the little understood Native cultural communication phenomena of rather than say something honest to a Whiteman that threatens the Whiteman’s ego and be killed, just shut up. Unless of course, you are not afraid to die.

Now, for simple literary device sake, we will make this Indian 1) White skinned and 2) the last of his kind. How could this happen and the said Native persona is alive in the 21st century, a full 150 years since the Native custom of a White captive child raised to be Indian?

Well now, to be honest in the Native way, we must address this portion of the literary endeavor with a joke story drawn from real life, a sort of collage of facts assembled from bits and pieces of diverse experience, combined with anecdotal information to create the culturally intact inherent Native wisdom found in their humor.

In other words, parts of the story from here out is an autobiographical facts incorporated, multi-faceted rip-off of other peoples life stories and experience. And because unlike the White world, the Native world entertains paradox in daily approach to life, some more of what follows is simply made up from the imagination’s fund of plausible improbabilities.

We’ll call the Indian “Ron” although his native name in the Cree Indian country he hails from is ‘Moon-i-Yas’ which can be translated either “Not like us” or “Paleface.” In “Ron’s” case it is “Paleface” when properly translated, because the other translation applies to people who act like Whites, rather than look like them.

And by Native definition, “Ron” is Indian on account of his cultural behavior, his ‘pale face’ simply being unfortunate circumstance or, better said from the Indian perspective, that peculiar cosmic joke of life circumstance which one way or other manifests the Trickster aspect in all Native experience.

To kick off the story, back in the late 1940s there were people just like today’s truly Honky folk, real White people, that behaved in all sorts of self- repressed ways and repressed their own kids because of their staunch Puritan belief in H.L. Menecken’s maximum that ‘proper’ Puritans must preoccupy themselves with the horrifying thought “Someone, somewhere, might be happy.” So they learned to follow Jesus command to ‘love’ by ‘loving’ to hate.

Because of the ‘love’ factor in ‘loving’ to hate themselves, their kids and their fellow man, making ‘love’ is more often a rape than not, ‘loving’ their brothers and sisters is ‘loving’ to tell other people how to live their lives, and ‘loving’ security is to create an insecure society so they can ‘love’ the idea of a police state.

Now the daughters of these fundamentalist people, whether the arch-conservative Protestant or the ultra-conservative Catholic, are not so different to some of today’s young women, raised in families that with bared fangs dare anyone to so much as mention sex to their children let alone have it taught anywhere other than at the kegger parties of the young people, who learn to hide the realities of their lives from their parents because you are punished whether you lie or tell the truth. So lying becomes in vogue because if you are young and you lie, you might not be caught and punished for enjoying yourself, whereas if you tell the truth you will be punished every time.

So impromptu sex education at the young peoples kegger parties gives a whole new meaning to expressions such as ‘powerpoint’ and the many unwed young mothers resulting are simply one manifestation of God’s will and Jesus commandment that people ‘love’ (other peoples misery in the case of Michelle Bachmann, Sarah Palin and the Puritans.)

As fate would have it, in the late 1940s a young Catholic girl had gone from her conservative family upbringing and all girls school, where the nuns would not touch sex-ed with the proverbial ten foot pole, in Chicago, to college at Gonzaga in Washington State where she was introduced to sex as a sorority girl by innumerable happy to oblige young men .. at the ‘Girls Gone Wild’ parties before the era of exploiting these events on video.

Concealing her inevitable pregnancy from her far away folks, not having known what a condom is, she was driving home to Chicago with her new born, this was in 1950, give or take a year or so, and dropped the infant off on the doorstep at the Catholic Rectory at Havre, Montana, with a note pinned on the swaddling infants dress: “Ron”

A Chippewa Medicine Man from the nearby Rocky Boy’s Indian Reservation was at the cinema close by, he enjoyed the classic ‘Bugs Bunny’ cartoons preceding the movie and paid his entry fee for that but then always left. The movies themselves were non-sense to him.

Walking along the street, he noticed a dropped envelope, picked it up and was surprised to see it was stuffed with cash. He noticed the black ink stamp of the Catholic parish on the envelope and walked to give it to the priest at the rectory, and found the infant.

Stepping around the child and standing on the step above, he knocked and the priest answered the door. The Medicine Man stated “I found your lost money” and handed the surprised priest the envelope.

The priest, who hated this Medicine Man his Native parishioners would sneak off to see behind his back, shouted “Returning this money won’t buy YOUR way out of Hell!” and slammed the door in the Indian’s face, before he could tell him about the child.

The Indian knocked several times more, and patiently waited, but there was no further opening of the door. So, he picked up the kid and took “Ron” home.

Given to the Medicine Man’s niece who had her own infant the same age, “Ron” was suckled, named “Moon-i-Yas”, surrounded with love and the native joke the newly found ‘twin’ was result of “Indian Immaculate Conception.” No one of the Indians wanted to give the found kid to the meaner than shit racist White people at Havre, Montana, it just seemed wrong.

When it came time to take the infants to the Indian Agency for birth certificates and enrollment, the Agency people just figured they were fraternal twins and there was a White father of the one child. So “Ron” grew up Indian. He moved to Al-boo-quark-ee in the southwest because of his fond memories of the old Medicine Man mimicking Bugs Bunny’s pronunciation of that city’s name.

Sixty odd years after “Ron’s” birth, President Bachmann ordered DNA tests on all Indians to reduce the Native Enrollment and save money better spent on wars and concentration camps than Indian health, kicking Indians that could not demonstrate 75% Native American blood off their reservations. It was discovered Moon-i-Yas, a.k.a. “Ron”, was the last White captive and he became a national sensation. What bloodthirsty savage had murdered his family and kidnapped this child? And anyway, a White Indian had to be a subversive, the bloodthirsty murdering savages that raised “Ron” had to have imparted their pagan licentiousness to him. The FBI was ordered to investigate “Ron”, it was a matter of ‘National Security.’

Meanwhile “Ron” had discovered a few things about White people. Like when an arch-conservative fundamentalist Republican principal of a lily-white charter school surreptitiously run as a private Christian institution that doubled as a cover for intelligence agents masked as teachers who break every civil rights law you can imagine, have discovered you have raised your kid Indian, all of the state apparatus is arrayed against you for the satanic act of being an ultra-liberal permissive parent. Allergies causing red eyes are interpreted as the child being a devil, but because there is no law to charge you with for that, you are investigated for drugs. When you are courageous enough to fight back for your kid and call a spade a spade, it is ‘undue hostility towards authority’ and you are investigated for terrorism. Failing every effort at criminal entrapment and being counter-investigated, assassins are dispatched by the neo-con hate mongers… and failing again and it again it all just keeps getting bigger- FBI criminals implicated, Department of Defense criminals implicated, CIA criminals implicated, the criminal Church implicated, the National Security Agency implicated, allied intelligence, MOSSAD particularly, implicated.. meanwhile the White, Native American Jason Bourne/savant-idiot/trickster/clown has ‘pantsed’ the fascists again and again!

Because “Ron” really IS Indian, he fights back with taunts and satires, in the post –modern weapon of blogs. “Ron” taunts the establishment with the idea of “Jewels Misogyny”, wherein these neo-con closet-gay institutions of accelerated education attended by the children of the military/industrial rich and powerful, only the brightest and most beautiful women teachers are hired… and must adopt masculine persona like so many ‘bull dikes’ as have the Michelle Bachmanns and Sarah Palins of this world, women who consequently marry self-repressed homosexuals attracted to these so-called women because of their male persona. They are all ‘men’ resembling nothing so much as castrated mannequins in drag.

The end result? Either liberal women who hate themselves (Jewels Misogyny) for their participation in this travesty, job security being more important than ethics and fighting back or, women with “Acquired Ego Priapism Syndrome” like Michelle Bachman and Sarah Palin or the ‘imaginary’ school principal. Women who behave like sexist and racist men. Woman-male rapists of our values of tolerance and compassion, the liberal and libertarian values that are uniquely American, the ability to live and let live. Women of Bachmann and Palin’s class which join with criminal-fascist men in covering up constitutional crimes with religious façade Obama is afraid to pick on.

Of course the initial culture clash long ago was the Indians being shocked at how harshly the Puritans treated their children, the cause of many a ‘captive White’ raised in Native freedom and, conversely the Puritan horror at the liberty of the Native children resulting in the practice of “The only good Indian is a dead Indian.” Not so different to Palin’s persecution of the Native Alaskan children with her racist drive to remove Native jurisdiction over Native child welfare. Palin is a Honky (not hockey) mom, a Puritan White, psychologically male, racist woman with Acquired Ego-Priapism Syndrome, i.e. a chauvinist.

What I mostly enjoy about this story is, in the modern politically correct world where only women can refer to a woman as a bitch, and get away with it, no differently than only gays may refer to themselves as queers or fags, only Blacks can call themselves Niggers or Asians can call themselves Gooks or Chinks, Mexicans self-refer as Beaners, Jews calling themselves Kikes, Indians laughing at the idea of being Prairie Niggers, and Sheep bleating to themselves they are Meadow Maggots, without a hate crime referral, but this Indian author can call the right wing White fascist people in absolute racist terms “Honkies” and totally get away with it because he is White skinned. I say that especially because of Supreme Court Justice Alito referring to “Marauding Indians” in a context of self-defense in recent decision on firearms, I suppose he thinks we should be hunted like wolves from planes. But because no one ordinarily can comment on physical attributes such as gender or skin color outside their own race or sex freely, this prevents in any politically correct circumstance the real or broad examination of the perverse Puritan sexist and racist BEHAVIORS tied to the descriptions which underlie psychologically male Honky right wing criminal women like Bachmann and Palin.

Oh, and lest I forget, if you did not see the point, now days the liberals are the ‘Indians’ subjected to metaphorical Rovian massacres in the modern world. Hey liberal America, how’s it feel to be the Indians? How do you like getting massacred?? How about fighting back??? F**K Barack Obama’s nice guy peace treaties with the fascist right wing. It never worked for the first liberals, the Indians. You all better learn how to fight back or the future could be starving to death on the Reservations (or, in your case, FEMA Camps)

Gee. Somehow the story did not end up funny. I’ll work on that. But some Indians might see a LOT of humor in it, the new Indian joke? ‘We’ll get nuked a second time, as bystanders’

George: Hey Lenny, have you seen Jesus? I’ve got a question for him.

Lenny: He’s never here on weekends, he ALWAYS goes to the Parallel Universe of Tikkun olam.

George: Why is that?

Lenny: Quantum Mechanics and Communion, every Sunday he’d get all sorts of afflictions if he stuck around, you know, the ‘creating reality’ thing.

George: There has to be a joke in this, right?

Lenny: It’s actually worse than you’d want to think, since the evangelists put words in his mouth to eat Jesus’ body and drink his blood, the liberal Christians give him hives and if that weren’t bad enough, then you’ve got the right-wing pinheads coming down with this cannibal smack, oops, I meant snack .. all taking a bite out of him, the ultra-right parasite Catholics give him ringworm, the fascist parasitic Protestants give him scabies..

George: Rosicrucians?

Lenny: Rosacia!

George: Holy fuck, no wonder he bails out of the heavens on weekends..

Lenny: Yeah, it’s like why I bailed out of Brooklyn, Hasidics and little boy butt-fuckery .. all these guys looking like Bavarians in bowler hats with pig-tails in the wrong places, I mean c’mon, wherever you see anything like that, you know something is perverted..

George: Well, I was going to ask him a question, maybe you can help me out. What is up with this ‘Jews for Jesus’ thing?

Lenny: You mean Jews for Jewdas? I mean, here are right wing evangelical Jews praying like Pentecostals for the Jews to be destroyed so they can rebuild the Jewish temple in Jerusalem, call it Christian and get Jesus back .. where’s the sense in that?

George: Well, I was wondering about the ‘makes sense’ part .. I mean, here are Jews trying to covert people into right-wing Christians, and it was right wing Christians had stamped out six million Jews already .. I’d run across this blog “These Jews need Jesus” .. there’s a joke in there somewhere, right?

Lenny: Oh yeah, imagine sending a bunch of homosexual-pedophile Hasidic Jews to a straight Puritan chapter of Heaven where no kids are allowed, there’d be a serious riot. As if these fascist Puritans wanted to be outed as well, the schumks!

George: Actually, that’s a GREAT idea.. uh.. Lenny, how many times were you arrested?

Maison de l’Histoire de France

In the annals of two great secular democracies, France has kept her Bastille Day political traditions more intact than the USA has preserved the 4th, but certainly France is not beyond lampooning or, perhaps better said, France has acquired a national habit of self-satirizing, having elected a Hungarian elf with an erection [for jaded super-models] president:

Nicolas Sarkozy, a.k.a. ‘Elfie Fling-fling’, picked up bulemia inspired cat walk queen Carla Bruni within days of his wife Cecelia dumping him for being an elf without a soul. Rather than examine his soulless priorities, having made a big show of a famous socialist humanitarian [Bernard Kouchner] appointed his foreign minister, then Elfie cuddled up with George Bush [apparently soulless Hungarian elves with erections are politically bi-sexual]

More recently the elf tried to strong-arm the employee owned newspaper ‘Le Monde’ into selling itself to one of his politically aligned conservative buddies and failed

Then again, this perpetually erect elf was in the news over a much larger strong-arm robbery-

Enters the scene one erect elf’s acquaintance, gay French troll Francoise-Marie Banier, photographer of modern foppery, who’d pick-pocketed France’s most wealthy woman, 87 year old L’Oreal fortune senility princess Liliane Bettencourt, for over one billion bucks “he is killing me  .. give me this, give me that” and [Agatha Christie wrote this next, there can be no other explanation] the senile L’Oreal heiress complies in conversations recorded by her butler

What shows up on the recordings?? One Hungarian elf with an erection tried to block the case coming to court, also his finance minister had solicited and received a bribe of a top-end job for his wife with one senile billionaire heiress’ financial manager, Patrice de Maistre, de Maistre himself [Managing Director at Clymène] is heard telling Bettencourt that she has given Banier, via a foundation, an island in the Seychelles, meanwhile one erect elf managed palace [center of government] “will use people we know” to prevent one gay troll photographer of foppery having to pay back a strong arm robbery proceeds of a billion euro and give up having been named sole heir to the richest woman in France .. all put in the hands of investigating magistrates who, as predicted on tape, declined to prosecute. Next scene?

The Hungarian elf moves to secure his legacy with establishing the ‘Maison de l’Histoire de France’ and it all moves over to a planning session on what it means to be French .. with a peculiar ‘taste’ of colonial Déjà vu.

Invited to the group overseeing the new institution are the elf’s closest confidants .. to include his wife Carla, ex-wife Cecelia and wealthy political patrons, however confused or criminal they might be.. and of course one particularly accomplished con man among this fellowship of con men .. The location is a mansion in Neuilly-sur-Seine, the wealthiest town in France, just outside Paris..

In the men’s room..

Elfie to Banier: I had never known such an ordeal. Never would I have imagined that I would be so profoundly distressed. What was I doing, lobbying  you to seduce this woman! Rather I fell in love with you almost immediately. I thought, I must have that man. He’s mine!!

Patrice: Francoise-Marie, I’m going to come straight to the point and it’s a little awkward…. do you still feel like giving Elfie a present? If you do, it should be through Switzerland, not here. And it would facilitate our plans to buy the little boy-whore this legacy of his dreams. There you are. Chlamydia will set up the new project with you, my dear Francoise-Marie. But we are not going to ask Liliane for more money? It wouldn’t smell right

Banier: Not money. An island. That’s it. So, then I can give the island to the lawyer and afterwards..

Elfie interrupts: We live in a world where people don’t all have the same scruples, where all blow jobs cannot be given, and where, to go down on somebody, all means cannot be used. Despite this, nothing will lead me astray from the path that I have chosen. I’m inclined, personally, to think that we Catholics are born pedophile, and it’s a problem that we no longer know how to conceal this pathology. To say I am Peter Pan, it is a lie! To never grow up does not determine a victim!!

Patrice: Yes. Isn’t that odd? [He laughs]

Elfie: How will it go with the project? Francoise-Marie, you are my true soulmate, the person without whom nothing I do would be possible. At the end of the day, my only real worry is you, my Francoise-Marie

Patrice: There is no stopping him

Banier: Yes, the Maison de l’Histoire de France will be funded, I have found a lawyer, he is such a good fuck. Do you have anything against … Lilliane will be buying her own island back again?

Elfie: À coeur vaillant rien d’impossible

Meanwhile, in the ladies’ powder room..

Carla explains to Cecelia: I’m just starting. Nothing was calculated, nothing foreseen. I’ve never been married before and I’m Italian and I don’t like divorce. Therefore I’m the First Lady of France until the end of my husband’s term, and then his wife until death. I know that can hold surprises .. Narcissism lasts a long time, but burning desire — two to three minutes. I’m at most monogamous from moment to moment, I prefer polygamy and polyandry

Cecelia to Carla: Poor girl! In America you would be a Valley Girl, colloquial, materialistic, self-centered, hedonistic, sexually promiscuous, spoiled with more interest in shopping and social status than intellectual development or personal accomplishment

Liliane: I have a feeling Banier is here to ask me for something. Do you know what for?

Cecelia: Fellatio, what else?

Liliane: It’s always the same. He becomes too demanding. Give me this, give me that..

Carla: What is it with these men? Is this why Elfie does not care for my natural orifice?

Cecelia: How did you become pregnant?

Carla: I spit it into a dish at the clinic!

Cecelia: Fellatio bores me stiff, but it can be useful for more than ‘in vitro.’ Carla, if it had been YOU gave the elf a blow job, rather than Bernard-Henri Levy, there would be no civil war in Libya, these men are like putty!

Carla: I could not! I was holidaying in Thailand with Benji Biolay, my shaggy dog pop star. Benji’s stiffy is young and does not shrink from natural accommodation. You see, this is why Benji is a ‘bio-lay’ [Carla smirks]

Lilliane calms things: Is that a Jewish name? Excuse me, but I meant is that a reference to ‘kosher’? Please, let me explain something. At my age I have some knowledge of colonial history. To understand fellatio in these men, one must first understand France before Vietnam was French .. and nước mắm. You see all of these men demanding this fermented fish oil, they keep it in the study on the desk. A flask in the pocket. On the nightstand with a shot glass. Why? I will tell you they do not use it as intended with spices .. if only because it’s unadulterated aroma resembles a certain something they do not readily admit. During the siege of Dien Bien Phu, the Legionaires exhausted their supplies of nước mắm. You know, only practicing French Roman Catholics are allowed to be officers. This is the greed, sliminess, snobbishness, hypocrisy, the anti-Semitism that lies beneath our carpet of Catholic haute-bourgeoisie in France. The Legionaires discovered the officer’s breath did not change when the nước mắm was exhausted, they could not fight. Suddenly it had been discovered the Legion is gay..

Cecilia: This is why France elected a man, not a couple … we tried everything, I tried everything. But Elfie’s breath disguised as nước mắm, his breath is just so disgusting. A woman with class does not swallow and can wash out the aroma .. will men never learn? To think they would depend on an alibi, the aroma of fermented fish! Please, Carla, you MUST take the seat closest to the elf..

The planning session begins..

Elfie: Today, Cécilia and I are reunited for the good of French history, for real, doubtless for ever, because we are not able and do not know how to separate from each other. Do not be surprised at my appointing her to this group to determine a direction, to establish the Maison de l’Histoire de France as a geographical territory with a soul. And it is so with each of you, a responsibility to adduce the pretensions of France to a certain historical reality..

Carla: Elfie isn’t addicted to power and that’s what makes him courageous. Except for his peculiar breath, I love being with him more than anything. To be certain, I will be seated according to the respect demanded of a hand-maiden to the French people

Elfie: But, I prefer a mouth to the hand

Cecelia: Without a doubt, this is why you have invited Francoise-Marie Banier..

Carla: I can no longer seduce my husband .. I don’t want to hurt him. Thank you Francoise-Marie, because of you, I am no longer a man-eater, I make no mistakes with my teeth!

Banier: As premier mouth-maiden to France, I say it will be established at the Maison de l’Histoire de France, to be French is to ‘sniff’ with a certain éclat. You do this so very well, my sweet Elfie Fling-fling. And I do not mind your breath, because ..

‘C’est pourquoi ils nous appellent les grenouilles’

Flamey Prudeman of Demented Neighborhoods: Today we interview Glenn Beckwald on the Obama administration’s openly gay foreign policy and the war in Liberacestan. Glenn has been the most effective liberal anti-war shill or, alternately, accused of being the most effective possible shill for the witch hunting, child torturing closet-gay neo-con agenda when it comes to the closet gays exercising impunity in the public eye, a necessary propaganda ploy in our homosexual nationalist culture, to make certain people feel by merely donating, rather than demonstrating in the streets, they are doing more than wringing their hands and shedding a tear or two, to fight the fascist-closet-gay war agenda.

DN: It has been stated the liberal openly gay agenda you support has in fact propped up the neo-con closet gay agenda you oppose, or restated, all things being equally gay in our interventionist policies, the closet gays’ claim transparency is a threat to National Security, and this is the gay issue which most turns you on. How do you respond to that?

Beckwald: Flamey, nothing could be further from the truth. The closet gays suffer immense moral turpitude and for anyone to claim my open ‘gayness’ could in any way prop up the closet gay agenda is simple non-sense. The only healthy culture is an openly gay culture and I’ve not heard any liberal or otherwise credible source claim ‘in the closet’ is a good thing. Herein lie the problem: until the closet gays are outed, and these most insidious of National Security secrets are revealed, our nation’s policies will be dishonest. A national security policy kept in the closet is not a healthy national security. It’s simply not possible for my openly gay position to prop up the closet gay agenda.

DN: Bacha Bazi, also known as bacchá, is sexual slavery and child prostitution, in which prepubescent and adolescent boys are sold to wealthy or powerful men for entertainment and sexual activities. This business thrives in Liberacestan, in fact our military aid has put many of these boys into Liberace army mascot uniforms. Some of the individuals involved report being forced into sex. The authorities have been reluctant to crack down on the practice by military commanders. Your organization ‘Re-weinerize Liberacestan’ has made this a ‘seminal issue’ by demanding the boys be volunteers, paid equitably, and the pedophile commanders come out of the closet and demonstrate authentic gay pride by legitimizing their homosexual child concubines with legal same sex partnerships. This should temper the exploitation of these children, correct?

Beckwald: Absolutely Flamey. This a cornerstone of ‘Re-weinerize Liberacestan’ policy, to raise awareness and impart democratic values to what has been to now a hopelessly backwards culture. The sooner the closet gay commanders become comfortable with their sexuality in public, we all can begin to kiss and make up, the Taliban commanders, American neo-con generals and Karzai’s war lords can all find common ground. Male sexuality is SO misunderstood and when repressed it leads to ALL sorts of malevolent behaviors which manifest as being SO angry. The sooner Liberacestan is openly gay, there will be no need for wars, we will have created heaven on earth, heck, I might live part time there!

DN: This past week in Philadelphia, three priests and a teacher were charged with raping boys. Their supervisor, Monsignor William Lynn, was not accused of molesting children but of endangering them. A damning grand jury report said at least two boys were sexually assaulted because he put two known pedophiles in posts where they had contact with youngsters. Comparatively speaking, is there not a conflict, to describe Liberacestan’s homosexual pedophile culture as backwards? It’s not like this is some isolated incident in Western culture.

Beckwald: Flamey, this is not only a crass intrusion on Church affairs in violation of the wall between church and state, this is a nature versus nurture thing. Without openly nurturing homosexuality in children, how would the misogynist western culture’s males ever be able to express their true sexuality without hate and consequent wars? Homosexual pedophilia should be decriminalized, otherwise we must criminalize ALL male hierarchal order based in masculine narcissism, and all associated judeo-christian derived misogynist/homosexual religions which are behind aggression and war. You know I live in Brazil, where these problems don’t crop up for the Catholic Church and there is a wide open gay culture where it is SO easy to find and live openly with your male same sex partner. When pedophilia is decriminalized, the Church as well, will be free to come out of the closet, stop inspiring torture, inciting wars, et cetera and the Pius X Society will surrender its fascism for free love with children. This is why ‘Re-weinerize Liberacestan’ is in the forefront of the fight against fascism with raising national awareness of how Bacha Bazi could be a force for peace and why it should come into the American public eye. The sooner we legitimize these boys sexually comforting the closet gays in American minds, including our neo-con generals, the sooner there can be peace. This should be a prioritized focus of the USAID programs in Liberacestan, it would be so much better more American tax dollars are stolen from there, than current expenditures on CIA drone missiles fed bad targeting information through closet gay mercenary contractors like Iran-Contra associated criminal Michael Furlong at Strategic Command, resulting in murdering entire families.

DN: ‘Re-weinerize Liberacestan’ associated experts express a sentiment we should be very gentle in liberating the closet gays. Is this why you’ve not gone after the individual generals with your resources, those generals involved in crime personally, hands on? For example Colonel Ann Wright has documented numerous cases of raped and murdered American women soldiers who’d the misfortune to be assigned to corrupt commands in Iraq, including rape and murders of women assigned directly to General Petreaus command. Why not help Colonel Wright on this issue with your tremendous organizational resources? Why not go after the individual commanders and push these identifiable corruption associated rapes and murders that can be tied to top commanders into the public eye and mainstream news? Or for that matter, the epidemic rape of our women soldiers overall? Wouldn’t this be a powerful tool to get a real examination of the war on track and public outrage demanding answers and the wars shut down?

Beckwald: Many liberals don’t understand how these things must be finessed, Flamey. Yes, we must be very gentle liberating the closet gays, because as soon as we start naming names to specific crimes, the closet gays become paranoid and come after us. Just more violence and you know that it is the violence we are against. Especially violence against us. For instance, we are perfectly aware since 2008 specific war crimes can be tied to specific closet gay commanders in Liberacestan, but if we push neo-con “C Street” associated individuals like Generals Petreaus, McChrystal and Odinero into the spotlight, the chances of them ever coming out of the closet on their own, as gentle and beautiful, openly gay people, are practically nil.

Let us have a look at the fate of Don Rumsfeld, the colonist who renamed ‘Old Europe’, to be henceforth known as ‘Old Europe’ (he is really bright), and the consequence of Old Europe’s bringing ‘dick’ or the malevolent repressed gay social phenomena called ‘Machismo’, to the ‘New World’…

You’ve all heard of the first grade primer ‘Dick and Jane’? Well, as fate would have it, Dick did not grow up to love Jane, because Dick (like Don) matured into a homosexual in denial, or “RRR” (sounds like a Rottweiler growl), one of those closet morality, socially/sexually frustrated and consequently mean people known as a Religious Right Republican.

So, this has to be a adult repressed homosexual ‘dick’, or machismo porn variation, of the ‘Dick and Jane’ story. Consequently, the tale of how Don Rumsfeld met his demise, because of Dick Cheney’s dog, is pretty screwed up.

It’s called: Don and ‘dick’

Rumsfeld was visiting ‘big dick’ Cheney at Cheney’s ‘spread’ in Wyoming, Cheney was wishing he could have shot George Bush in the face with his shotgun because the coward George flinched and did not pull the trigger on Iran…

While reminiscing missed opportunities at initiating Armageddon, wishing they could have shot more people in the face, especially more Arabs, and about their longing for certain fascists to be in their lives, past and present, secular and religious.. among other things, Rummy suddenly asked ‘big dick’ why his Rottweiler, “Machismo”, was always locked in his kennel.

Mean people have mean dogs and, Dick explained to Don that “Machismo” had an edge about him, Machismo simply could not be trusted around visitors. Dick went on to explain how he wished it were otherwise and how he wished Machismo could be trusted to obey him and only tear apart people that he did not like, he’d tried dog trainers but they cost him money, too much money, because Machismo took a chuck of flesh out of all of them, every dog trainer he had tried. His insurance premiums had gone sky high, all on account of Machismo.

Rumsfeld: “Why don’t you get a different dog?”

Cheney: “Because I love my Machismo.”

Then Don had an idea.

Rumsfeld: “Hey Dick, there is the Arapaho Indian Reservation right up the road, why don’t you get a Medicine Man to take the edge off your Machismo? I saw on the Discovery Channel the Indians can talk to animals, you know they are all devil worshippers, so maybe there is something to it.”

Dick’s eyes brightened considerably, an amazing thing, as though a light had turned on upstairs, but then his brow furrowed back to normal, as though nobody were home.

Cheney: “That’s the problem. They are all devil worshipers, you know, Indians are sorcerers like the Old Testament forbids be ‘found among us.’”

So Don and Dick discussed that and came up with a solution. If they were not at Dick’s ‘spread’ while the medicine man worked with Dick’s Machismo, the sorcerer would not be found ‘among them’ and it would all be ok in the end, because St Paul had said “All things work together for good” for Christians like Don and Dick. So they sent a Secret Service agent to find a medicine man with an explanation of how Dick would like the edge taken off of his Machismo, and then went quail hunting, so the Indian sorcerer would not be ‘found among them.’

The secret service agent found a medicine man, a Blackfoot married to an Arapaho and living in Wyoming, a typical dumb Indian, who with a look of stunned disbelief, kept asking the agent again and again “What!?” After the agent had identified himself four times and explained Dick Cheney wanted the edge taken off his Machismo eight times, a light filled this Blackfoot Indian’s eyes, this agent was serious, and the devil was right at home.

Indians know when the gods deliver the opportunity of  a lifetime, and this was opportunity at redemption. It had been awhile since the medicine men had been noticed, that is, the now days scarce authentic ones, and the agent had stumbled onto the real McCoy. First and foremost, this Indian believed in the Native law of reciprocity and well knew how it worked, something the Whitemen had not sorted out since Jesus had told them about it two millennia ago: “As you sow, so shall you reap.”

In this Indian’s world view, the opportunity was all about deliverance, and the attending attrition from any consequence, a sort of natural quantum mechanics shamanic death manifest by friendly fire, simply would have to be tolerated, because the medicine men are all about manifesting truth, and this native cultural idea taken together with the dogs name, set out the path to healing Dick’s Machismo: The dog would have to be taught how to enjoy narcissistic sex, instead of biting people.

Initially, the medicine man realized he would have to endure Machismo’s instinct to hump his leg, that was disturbing, but to reach the goal beyond… The Indian told the agent, well, ok, he would do it for ‘dick.’ The agent missed the straight faced Indian humor… and utterly failed his agency’s chartered mandate.

Indians are observational people, primarily, and know the purpose of dog butt sniffing rituals, sort of like when a Blackfoot and Cree spot each other from across a boulevard in downtown Calgary, the hair goes up on both backs and both Indians are thinking to the other “You can sniff my butt” in a historical context, and it is not a friendly thought. The actual butt sniffing between them is purely psychic, preceding any challenge and fight, and the medicine man doctoring Dick’s Machismo would need to circumvent this phenomena to achieve his aims. So sorcery came into play. He collected urine from a bitch in heat, rubbed a little of it on his knee, and bringing more along in a vial, he traveled to heal Dick’s Machismo.

The dog was very happy to see him, no hostility or butt sniffing ritual encountered at all, the Indian told the agent he had to work with the dog alone, brought out a plastic baby rattle wrapped in leather with a few strings with beads, to look convincing, and Dick’s fundamentalist christian body guard was more than happy to leave. Then this Indian began to work with Dick’s Machismo… “Now Machismo, my leg is a good beginning, but we have to show you something, you don’t need my leg or me at all, you can do this all for yourself- just follow her scent to where it feels so right….”

In Blackfoot language we have a word, I don’t know how to spell it in the Whiteman’s language, but it sounds something like oww-woe-tops and it means you are crazy and “everyone knows the Whiteman is crazy” is a Blackfoot proverb proven again and again, example given, Dick Cheney hiring an Indian that hates him, as every Indian should, to tame his Machismo. There is another Blackfoot word I dare not try to pronounce here, but it means “Dog Face.” It is about as bad as Blackfeet language profanity gets, and it is not as tame as it might seem, initially. The term refers to a certain facial expression…

Don and Dick were headed back to Dicks ‘spread’, the agent had called and told them the medicine man had pronounced Dick’s Machismo healed and was leaving, and as fate would have it, the medicine man, and Don and Dick, passed each other on the dirt and gravel country road, the Indian pushing his 1968 chevy pickup named the “Red Jet” as hard as he could, the worn out 327 V-8 boiling blue smoke into the dust storm he was whipping up behind him, windows down, braids flying, wild eyed panic combined with a maniacal mirth at his crime, co-mingled with prayers to all the gods that he WOULD escape… thinking when he saw Don and Dick “you can sniff my butt” while trying to put on as many miles as he could, as fast as he could, to escape Dick’s ‘spread.’ Don said “God Damn”, Dick in the same moment saying “he must have brought along his whiskey”…

Dick and Don, walking to the kennel, turned a corner bringing Machismo into view in that very moment Machismo was swallowing it, gulping himself down with a certain facial expression… Don had a sudden epiphany, and he exclaimed “Machismo sucks!”, and Dick’s perpetual grimace of hate torqued down to the point it actually broke his primitive semblance of a mind, he pulled his permitted concealed weapon…

The camera pans away to the beautiful red rock cliffs of Wyoming, there was a first shot echoed together with Machismo’s dying yelp, Don shouted “NO!” and the second shot was heard… a pause.. the third shot sounded and America never heard Dick Cheney say “Terror” again.

In the here-after, for all of eternity, Don repeated “Look Dick, look. See Machismo suck!” And for all of eternity Dick shot Machismo and Don, again and again and could not kill them or himself (because they were already dead.)

The Secret Service agent kept his mouth shut about his role in the cause behind the Rumsfeld/Cheney murder/suicide, and no one came after the medicine man who laughed for years, again and again like a child, everytime he recalled:

“you can sniff my butt”