Jacob Freeze 
A flagship-venue for middle-brow intellectuals in America, the Atlantic Monthly is currently exhibiting a pathetic list of big ideas from “Brave Thinkers,” and…
Weep while you puke, America, because the best that your brightest can come up with is a sad little idea by a nauseating shit-head named…
Deborah Gist!
In your first year as the commissioner of education in Rhode Island, you earned headlines for backing a plan to fire all the high-school teachers in the poorly performing district of Central Falls. Education Secretary Arne Duncan and even President Obama chimed in with support.
Fire every teacher in the district! Obama loves that plan!
And Central Falls wants to thank Deborah Gist and her biggest fan Barack Obama for all their help with everything, because…
Central Falls is bankrupt! The entire city is in receivership! And why wouldn’t it be? It’s the smallest, densest, poorest city in Rhode Island, with 18,000 poor people crammed into 1.29 square miles, 800 acres of antequated factories and urban blight, and what can we do to help, asks Barack Obama?
Let’s fire all their fucking teachers!
And meanwhile that evil, hypocritical son-of-a-bitch Barack Obama and his pets at the Federal Reserve want to hand out yet another $500 billion of no-interest loans to the goddamned banks.
That’s QE2, more quantitative easing, and what the fuck does it mean? It means that the Federal Reserve will…
…give banks the excess reserves required for them to create new money, and thus hopefully induce a stimulation of the economy, by the process of deposit multiplication from increased lending in the fractional reserve banking system.
And can the banks do anything they fucking please with all that money?
Yes! Yes they can!
Risks include the policy being more effective than intended, spurring hyperinflation, or the risk of not being effective enough, if banks opt simply to sit on the additional cash in order to increase their capital reserves in a climate of increasing defaults in their present loan portfolio.
Fire the teachers and feed the banks!
And there’s Barack Obama, grinning like an idiot and applauding more and more money for the pigs, and less and less for the rest of us, and that idiot hasn’t learned anything!
Question: Mr. President, you’ve said that you want to work with Republicans after the election, but there’s probably a pretty good chance that they’re not going to advance with you. Is there sort of a breaking point you have of where you try to work with them and they just refuse to budge, which they’ve indicated so far?
Obama: Look, the — I’m a pretty stubborn guy when it comes to, on the one hand, trying to get cooperation. I don’t give up just because I didn’t get cooperation on this issue; I’ll try the next issue. If the Republicans don’t agree with me on fiscal policy, maybe they’ll agree with me on infrastructure. If they don’t agree with me on infrastructure, I’ll try to see if they agree with me on education.
And if I can find ways for us to work with Republicans to advance those issues, then that’s going to be my priority.
Fire the teachers and feed the banks! That’s bipartisanship and big ideas, as defined by middle-brow America with their nauseating shit-head “intellectuals” like Deborah Gist and their evil, hypocritical son-of-a-bitch of a President, Barack Obama.
Jacob Freeze 
A gang of Wall Street maggots is currently digesting the bankrupt remnants of Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, but all MGM really needed to stay alive was one big hit, and there it is, right under their noses, in the board-room!
Take a look at the smug, porcine features of Jay Goffman, Skadden Arp’s restructuring specialist.
Now imagine the monster from Aliens ripping his face off!
Boffo!
But wait! It’s gets even better, because Jay is only one of three evil triplets, and in the second reel Kay Goffman is infected with an extra-terrestrial Super-Plague, and…
Pus explodes out his eye-sockets!
Then ten homeless grandmas capture Ell Goffman and skin him alive! Then they set him on fire and push him into a meat-grinder!
Kowabonga!
That’s what I call entertainment!
Jacob Freeze Snooki and Obama are alone in the Oval Office.
Voiceover: “The February assault on Marjah was the first major offensive since President Barack Obama ordered the 30,000-troop surge to Afghanistan and the biggest joint NATO-Afghan operation since the war began in 2001.”
Obama: “I’m the Commander-in-Chief!”
Snooki: “Pickles is my thing.”
Voiceover: “Eight months on, the Taliban are still in Marjah in force, waging a full-blown guerrilla insurgency that rages daily across a bomb-riddled landscape of agricultural fields and irrigation trenches.”
Obama: “Why do we keep having these meetings?”
Snooki: “It’s just a big ball of fuckness. That’s a new word: fuckness.”
Voiceover: “There was peace here before you came,” farmer Khari Badar told one Marine patrol that recently visited his home in Marjah. “Today, there is only fighting.”
Obama: “The strengthened Strategic Partnership Declaration is expected to: reiterate the United States’ and Afghanistan’s shared vision and commitment to Afghanistan’s future; clarify how Afghanistan plans to increasingly take on responsibility for its own security, justice, and development; and articulate how the United States plans to work with Afghanistan to enhance its ability to contribute to regional stability and prosperity.”
Snooki: “My first thought was: I don’t wanna clean this up. My second thought was: I just fucked up dinner. My third thought was: What the fuck am I gonna eat?”
Obama: “Why do we keep having these meetings?”
Snooki: “I thought I broke my vagina bone.. it was terrible. Please don’t tell me I have missing teeth!”
Obama: “Everybody loves me, babies, dogs, ya know, hot girls, cougars. I just have unbelievable mass appeal.”
Snooki: “Where are the juice-heads? I don’t see any fucking guido juice-heads, you woke me up for nothing.”
Obama: “That hater-juice is best served cold.”
Voiceover: “How do you feel about Hamid Karzai, Mr. President?”
Obama: “I want to stab him in the eye with a fucking fork!”
Snooki: “Who said that, me or you?”
Obama: “It doesn’t really matter.”
Jacob Freeze Some chump is currently celebrating Obama’s “fine form” on the front page of Daily Kos, in a review of the President’s speech October 22 at USC.
All in all, the president was in fine form, and he hasn’t lost his mojo.
Mojo and fine form! That’s what Daily Kos was boosting month after month in the primaries! What else could you ask for in a candidate for President of the United States? Looks good on TV! Nothing else matters!
Who cares what kind of drivel Mojo Obama mindlessly repeats?
A choice between hope and fear. Moving forwards or going backwards. And Trojans, I want to move forward.
Did you hear that, Trojans?
Mojo wants to move forward! And if you missed it at USC, you could have heard exactly the same meaningless blather June 2 in Pittsburgh.
We can go backward, or we can keep moving forward. And I don’t know about you, but I want to move forward.
This is the choice between falling backwards and moving forwards, and I don’t know about you but Harry Reid wants to move forward, I want to move forward, I think most people in Nevada want to move forward, they don’t want to go backwards.
Forward! Forward! Forward!
That guy talks about moving forward so much, he almost sounds like a progressive.
But he isn’t.
And apparently Obama and Daily Kos haven’t noticed that for millions of Americans, “forward” means…
Lenders seized more U.S. homes this summer than in any three-month stretch since the housing market began to bust in 2006.
Joshua Shapiro of MFR Incorporated points out that today’s jobs report also contained revisions for the March 2009-March 2010 period. Those revisions show that the job market was in even worse shape than previously thought.
With cold weather just weeks away, the District of Columbia has shelved a plan to expand its already packed shelter for homeless families at the former D.C. General Hospital, a decision that advocates fear could leave vulnerable families even worse off than last winter.
Sgt. Tamara Sullivan pulled out her cellphone charger and braced for a night of tears. She called her children in North Carolina, ages 3 and 1, and told them she would soon be going to work in a place called Afghanistan. For a year. She reminded her husband to send her their artwork. She cried, hung up, called him back and cried some more.
Jacob Freeze 
Jacob Freeze
To understand you know too soon
There is no sense in trying
he not busy being born is busy dying
not much is really sacred
even the president of the United States
Sometimes must have to stand naked
it is not he or she or them or it
That you belong to
Cultivate what they do to be
Nothing more than something they invest in
Cares not to come up any higher
But rather get you down in the hole
That he’s in
money doesn’t talk, it swears
it’s life, and life only
Jacob Freeze 
Abu Ghraib, 2005
“Whatever you have done to the least of these, you have done to me.”
Jacob Freeze Nadav Kander is the darling of photo-editors at the New York Times, which is currently devoting a whole issue front-to-back of the New York Times Magazine to “Obama’s People,” a long, long, long series of trendy snapshots by the egregious Mr. Kander, and as usual his photos impart a sense of “formalness and unease,” because “formalness and unease” is Nadav Kander’s gimmick.
For example, Kander has imbued his photo of Valerie Jarrett with the signature “formalness” of surrounding her with a big empty frame, and his signature “unease” is introduced by super-saturating her magenta suit and de-saturating her face.
And so what? “Formalness and unease” would be a more appropriate attitude around the Obama White House than Obama’s repulsive self-righteousness, but in Kander’s snapshots it’s nothing but aesthetic posturing, and most of his subjects are perfectly relaxed and informal.
And so what again? As Jay Leno once said, politics is show-business for ugly people, and although the ultra-telegenic Mr. Obama has made a career out of contravening that principle, there probably isn’t much that anybody could show in posed portraits of “Obama’s people,” and…
This diary is just a pointless rant!
But why is China in the title? Is it possible that Nadav Kander’s sofa-art for rich New Yorkers is actually somehow significant in a larger context than photo-journalism, in spite of Kander’s life-long devotion to nothing but trendy image-making?
Yes! Yes, it’s possible! Yes, the vacuity of Nadav Kander’s photo-gimmickry exactly reflects the no-soul trendiness of the New York Times, which expresses itself not only in the magazine’s tag-along puppy-subservience to every twitch and wriggle of the New York art-market, but likewise drags the editorial page and the front page and the whole soul and body of the New York Times right along with the political and media momentum of catastrophic blunders like the invasion of Iraq.
And in approximately the same way that Judith Miller prettified the idiotic “intelligence” that propelled us into Baghdad, Nadav Kander has busily aestheticized the ugly face of globalization in China with a long, long, long series of “formal and uneasy” photos of the Yangtze River, that long, long, long and godawful sewer full of carcinogens and every other species of chemical pollution.
Using the river as a metaphor for constant change, I have photographed the landscape and people along its banks from mouth to source. After several trips to different parts of the river, it became clear that what I personally was responding to and how I felt whilst being in China was permeating my pictures; a formalness and unease, a country that feels both at the beginning of a new era and at odds with itself.
And here we go again with the same little bag of tricks which formalized and queasified Valerie Jarret, the same Photoshop over-saturation of those aqua pylons, and the same faded tones for Kander’s human “subjects,” who are as always formally embedded in a very big frame.
That thing will look good behind an Upper-East-Side sofa, or in a coffe-table book on an Upper-east-Side coffee table, and that’s all that really matters about Nadav Kander.
But what about the stinking Yangtze River, and the millions of miserable people who are poisoned by it? Is the New York Times simply pretending they don’t exist?
Not exactly, and just as a few sceptical articles way back on page A-42 supposedly compensated for Judith Miller’s front-page propaganda, while the New York Times has provided a huge honking showcase for Nadav Kander, they also found a little space in their photography blog for an honest-to-God photographer, Lu Guang, and his nightmare vision of the real China which hundreds of millions of human beings actually inhabit…
Jacob Freeze Greetings!
This is Barack Obama, President of the United States, blogging from the Oval Office through my sock-puppet Jacob Freeze.
Jakie was supposed to play my conscience in “Obama 2012: The Sequel” but Axelrod erased that role, and now my sock-puppet posts horrible insults all over the internet! I’m a “sociopathic con-man” today, and yesterday it was “bullshit Messiah!”
And now he’s appointing a Cabinet from Hell that I’m supposed to live with, and I’m not even talking about Krugman as Secretary of the Treasury or Greenwald as Attorney General!
He wants to replace Hillary Clinton with Wesley Clark as Secretary of State!
Dude! Hillary Clinton is my comic relief!
Half the time she doesn’t even know what country she’s in! She makes me look like a genius!
She told the Russians “It’s time to push the overload button!” What the heck does that mean? Nuclear war?
Harharharhar!!!
Worse yet, Jakie wants to replace my National Security Advisor, Whosis K. What’s-His-Name, with James Fucking Hansen, that gloom-and-doom weatherman from NASA, as if catastrophic climate change was more of a threat to national security than a bunch of raggedy tribesmen in the hills of Afghanistan!
Harharharhar!!!
But seriously, folks!
What did I ever do to deserve a paparazzo for a sock-puppet?
Jacob Freeze At the top of the stack, Barack Obama is a sociopathic bullshitter and Sarah Palin is even stupider than Dan Quayle, the previous champion of stupidity in national politics.
Get out and vote! It’s your choice! Hurrah for America!
But cultural products like Barack Obama and Sarah Palin don’t just spring into being from the back of your flat-screen TV, and both of those monstrosities evolved out of a long and dismal history of cultural disintegration, desperately opposed on the left and right by…
The Quest for Intelligent Design!
Is that a sign of intelligent design in this hideous panorama of Los Angeles?
“Architecture is rediscovering its social conscience,” says the New York Times. “That’s the message behind “Small Scale, Big Change: New Architectures of Social Engagement,” an exhibition at the Museum of Modern Art.”
The show, which looks at 11 projects around the world that have had major social impacts despite modest budgets and sizes, is a rebuttal to the familiar complaint that the profession is too focused on aesthetic experimentation and not enough on the lives of ordinary people.
Brilliant! Apparently the profession of architecture just noticed that downtown Los Angeles is a desert after 6PM, and except for the Hills above Hollywood and Sunset Boulevard, the rest of it isn’t much more than a wasteland of slums and suburbs.
But what about all that “aesthetic experimentation?” Doesn’t it possess some redeeming value apart from whatever afterthought of a species may run in and out of it?
Behold the triumph of “aesthetic experimentation!” And only a hundred years of aesthetic bullshit can explain why it isn’t just a pile of boxes.
And meanwhile the scientific experimentation of the bullshit science of urban planning produced those glorious projects which adorn the South Sides of Chicago and Los Angeles and almost every other city all over the world.
So after the bullshit science of economics bequeathed us a global meltdown that virtually none of those geniuses saw coming, and the only visible product of the bullshit science of political science was “nation-building” in Vietnam and Iraq and Afghanistan that looks more like bedlam than any kind of building…
It isn’t exactly surprising that so many simple people got tired of so much bullshit and adopted the outright stupidity of so-called “intelligent design” and all the rest of the tea-bagger package, because most of the intelligent designs designed by most of the supposedly intelligent people who dominate American culture are nothing but bullshit.
