An Open Letter to Women

I am not someone who is going to defend the adulterers like Tiger Woods and John Edwards. They should be punished in one of the circles of hell. If it’s not possible for them to keep their dicks inside their pants when they are not with their wives, then they are weak and deserving of derision. However, I am also do not believe that the women in these stories should be let off the hook. They belong in a worse circle in hell than the men. And, women must be the police on this beat.

This is countervailing wisdom, I know. The poor women were seduced by the power of these men: their charm, their money, their good looks, their status. He said he loved her. He said he would leave his wife for her. Fuck that. These women committed a far worse sin than the men did. They set back the cause of women by knowingly fucking over a sister.

The sisterhood has a set of rules. Women who follow these rules are powerful, strong and invincible. Women who don’t follow these rules are not worthy of the oxygen that the planet provides. The rules of the sisterhood are simple. The first is that women are strongest when we recognize our differences and exploit our gifts rather than our weaknesses. The second is that sisters protect sisters.

But, you tarty whores think that our strengths lie entirely in our sexuality and our ability to manipulate men with that sexuality. Bullshit. Our strengths lie in empathy and intelligence. Feel free to be beautiful and sexual, but do not break the rules. There are enough unmarried men in this world for you to get your ya-yas off with them. Don’t fuck with another sister’s man. Use your empathy. Do you remember when your best friend slept with your man? If you apply your intelligence to the situation, then you can realize that’s how you are making the wife feel. Once you do that, you’re using your empathy. Hopefully, at this point, you realize you’re a piece of shit that knowingly wrecked a sister’s world for your own benefit. Maybe even a sister with children of her own, daughters. That’s not how a sister rolls.

A sister doesn’t need the sexual attentions of a man to feel valuable. She already knows she’s valuable. OK, maybe she’s learning her value. Then, she doesn’t need the attentions of a married man. Use your empathy! How could you ever knowingly do that to another woman? She is not your rival. She is your sister. She is trying to navigate this world in the same way that you are. Perhaps her marriage isn’t perfect. That’s her world to figure out, not yours. Perhaps her marriage is even falling apart. Then, fucking wait until it does. If this asshole is worth your time and effort, then he can end a relationship before he starts a new one. It is your responsibility because men have been historically absolved of that. It’s up to you to be the better person.

Feminism is in a weird place right now. While I looked away, popular feminism became power through sexuality again instead of power through intelligence and accomplishment. The clearest metaphor for this is the resurrection of high heels. Originally, heels were worn by men in the 18th century. France, of course. High heels were a sign that the man was not a laborer. There was no way that anyone could do labor while sporting two-inch spikes with a bow. Fingernails have the same sociological history. If you labored in a field, your nails would break, ipso facto, rich people have long nails. Men then wanted it clear that their women also didn’t work. And then women began to wear heels and have long nails. Men stopped wearing heels within 100 years. Women still wear them.

In the last 10 years, heels have become higher and higher. Pushing aside the fact that most women can’t walk on these 4-6″ stilts and look like they’re carrying a load in their diapers, heels are bad for our bodies and ultimately displace our vital organs. Seriously, they displace our vital organs.

And, yet, they are de rigeur in fashion now. Look up and ask one of these women why they wear them. I’ve done that. They say they feel powerful in these heels. They feel sexy in these heels. They feel unconquerable. The dominatrix in them has an acceptable place for expression. I’ll ask them again in 10 years when they have bad backs, fallen arches and depression. I’ll ask when they have broken up someone’s marriage only to find themselves alone again as the man moves on to someone else. Or they get their man only to discover that now they’re the victims of adultery.

Feminism has failed if women only find their their power through sexuality. Women have failed. You see, your powerful sexuality only lasts about 15 years of your long life. After that, it costs a lot of money to keep that shit going. And, by then, your intelligence and empathy have atrophied. And, what have you to show for it? No man, no friends and the derision of history.

The sad truth is that expressing your power through sexuality is a disservice to yourself and to all other women. It perpetuates the myth that men want continued. Looking at hot women in tight dresses wearing stiletto heels is a sexual fantasy that they don’t want to give up. Their hard-on is imminently more valuable to them than your success. (Use your intelligence!)

So, women, let me sum up. Women are not your rivals. They are your allies. Don’t fuck them over. Men are not the prize for your efforts. They are your companions and your partners. Don’t diminish yourself to get them. They’re never worth that. You’ll just be diminished.

And, keep your hands off other women’s men, for fuck’s sake. You’re wrecking a woman’s life when you do that. You’re also wrecking yours. And, the man? He gets to keep his Nike contract.

Note: For clarification. The last time I was cheated on was in high school. My best friend slept with my boyfriend while I was on Christmas vacation. I walked away from both of them. Their relationship lasted for two weeks. I never spoke to her again. I did, however, lure him back a year later, only to stomp on him. Don’t fuck with a sister.